Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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