Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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