i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
