do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
