I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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