the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
