Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!