Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney