he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she peed on how many people?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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