i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture