I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
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They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.