dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish i was in the wii world.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives