His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
