Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize