after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
