You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
