Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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