just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
