If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
