the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
