proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
