I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
