I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
