She said her name was "party"
Farmville is her only friend.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
