My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
