the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize