I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
