So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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