don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
