another moral hangover. fuck.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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