I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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