Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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