Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
