the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
