i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
