I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
