we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
