I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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