Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
