she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
thus making me awesome and them whores
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize