guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
