so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
