Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
