i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
