and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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