My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Your cock deserves a montage
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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