I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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