Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
