I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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