$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
