I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
