This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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