i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
