My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
