i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
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Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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