I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Randomize
