just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize