i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
