This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
