You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
