The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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