i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
