im so drunk with asians
where?
always
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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