ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
