I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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