If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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