i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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