Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize