butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
