I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
