in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
