he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
