is wine microwaveable?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
