he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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