OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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