drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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