i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
