just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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