fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
