I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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