Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
