He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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