The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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