Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
