The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
handjob tips. give me some.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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